that time i took the bar

Remember that time I took the bar exam while growing a baby? Wasn't that just the best?

Ha. Besides the fact that it happened yesterday, I think I will always most definitely remember. Unless, of course, it's like labor and eventually you forget about all the bad things for long enough to get pregnant again (but then again, I don't want to forget about the bar so that I make the mistake of taking another one. I am a glutton for punishment, but not that much of a glutton (I don't think)).

But. I AM DONE. And I don't think that fact has settled in yet. As in, I may be done studying for a very long, long time. This school thing that I've been doing for the past 19 years is over. And it doesn't feel real at all.

[David took this picture (as part of a series of bump pictures) yesterday afternoon after our dinner celebration. He said that my face says it all (excited, tired, sassy, you name it):

Although I feel like this next picture might be more accurate (as in, "Dude. I am so done."):

(Also, when did I get so big? Then again, we had just gorged ourselves on Chinese food, so maybe the real baby is hanging out with a food baby in both of these pictures?)]

To be honest, the bar exam was not as bad as I had been expecting it to be. I have been studying for the past two and a half months, and when things started ramping up a few weeks ago, so did my anxiety. I had the worst dreams (dying baby, dying David, dying dog—you name it, it probably died. I also had a lot of anxiety about going into preterm labor before/during the exam (even though this baby is as snug as a bug)). Surprisingly, my most recurrent stress dream—the one where my high school choir teacher gets upset because I did something wrong in a choir concert—didn't happen. Maybe I've moved on past that part in my life?

Anyways, I digress. About all I've done for the past month is sleep until an embarrassing late hour of the day, study until my brain crashed, and try to distract myself with other things (as seen by this post—it wasn't the best day for studying).

It also didn't help that the study program I was using monitored my progress with fancy graphs and charts. Because I get a little bit obsessed with checking boxes and doing all the things, my anxiety was further compounded when I got behind. Near the end, I realized it wasn't worth trying to catch up (although, because I was so anal about it, I still got really close (and in hindsight I now realize being so anal probably wasn't the best strategy. We live and learn, right?)).

Here's some other fun stats: according to the test prep website, my study books weighed close to 40 pounds; I completed 297 assignments, watched 129 hours of lectures (although you could probably cut that number in half because I watched most of them at 2.0x speed (all the lecturers spoke so slow)), answered 1,253 practice questions, studied 26 different subjects (where they got that number, I don't know. I'd put it at 17, but 26 seems more impressive), and endured 400+ hours of studying. In short, this summer was a party and a half.

The actual test day wasn't as bad as I had been expecting. The night before David and I watched the episode from Avatar Season 3 when Aang has nightmares about facing the Fire Lord. Somehow it made me feel better to laugh at/with someone who also has anxiety about an upcoming stressful event. Also Chipotle. It does a stomach good (aside from the fact that I had really bad gas and started worrying about whether or not I was killing too many brain cells with my own stench. Anxiety. It's a riot).

Anyways, David dropped me off at the test site and I hung out with fellow law school peeps until the examiners started checking everyone in. The best part about the test was reconnecting with everyone that I hadn't seen since graduation (and other pre-law school friends, too). Seriously, even though nearly everyone was experiencing significant amounts of stress, it was so good to see people (I think that means that I can't successfully be a hermit. And really, I wasn't that successful at it because David made me shower and change clothes every few days before taking me on a short trip out of the house so I could remember what the sky looks like. He's a good guy, that David).

They had about 400 of us taking the test in a big room. Because I'm pregnant and submitted a doctor's note telling them about "my condition," the test administrators were kind enough to assign me a seat close to the bathrooms. They also let me bring in snacks and a water bottle, which was also super great (otherwise my blood sugar would have been all over the place. This kid takes a lot of energy!). All in all, I was really impressed with how accommodating the bar examiners were.

And to be honest, taking the test at nearly 25 weeks pregnant wasn't that bad. So many people kept saying how awesome I was for enduring two days of testing while growing a baby, but I really am not that awesome. Other than being tired (which is best fixed by taking a nap), I have no complaints (except for some constipation, which actually has been a blessing the past few days because it meant that I didn't have any nervous poops! Hallelujah!).

The first day was six hours of essay writing: three hours to write six essays in the morning, a one hour lunch break, and then three hours to write two essays in the afternoon. After both of the three hour sessions, the baby woke up and started kicking me. I like to think that he was cheering that we were that much closer to being done. He's been a good sport throughout all of this.

The second day was six hours of multiple choice questions: three hours to answer 100 multiple choice questions in the morning, followed by a one hour lunch break, and then three more hours to answer another 100 questions in the afternoon. The final three hours dragged. I got up to go to the bathroom every 20 questions or so to keep myself awake.

And then, after filling in the final bubble (and feeling a bit nostalgic as I did so—this might be my last scantron test ever (if I pass, that is)) and checking some answers, time was up and it was all over. Oh happy day! I tried to do a High School Musical style jump in the air to celebrate, but didn't make it that far off the ground. I guess this pregnancy has made me weigh more (or something).

My mom and sister and friend were in the neighborhood doing fun summer things and came by to give me celebration-hugs. David picked me up soon after and brought me flowers. He is just the best.

After going home to change, we went out to dinner at a fancy Chinese restaurant where we both ate way too much but enjoyed every single bite. It was great.

Later, my mom and sisters stopped by our apartment and brought me the most awesome poster. They are just the best.

And today, it's still over! I am so grateful for all of the friends and family who put up with me these past few months and who have encouraged me to keep putting one foot in front of the other. Life is good! And it's about to get even better!