for the love of wheat
I've been attempting to devour a "healthy" amount of fiber as of late (you know, to cleanse out the haggis that has been hanging out in the rolls of my intestines since Scotland). It's been great - I feel so healthy and cheery and grainy and earthy! It makes me want to go hug a tree!
Eating wheat is supposed to be a good thing. Evidently, I (along with a majority of other Americans) do not consume enough dietary fiber. Supposedly, adults should consume between 20 to 35 grams daily (at least, that's what the FDA suggests). Have you ever thought about how much fiber that is? Holy hannah banana! As if my mini wheats weren't enough (i.e. 6 grams per serving), a couple of slices of honey whole wheat bread (4 grams each) must be supplemented by whole grain pasta of some sort (approximately 8 grams per serving), not to mention all of the fruit and veggies and green drink that should be eaten, too (which, by the way, green drink isn't actually green - it typically looks more like puce than anything else). Who knew, right? A fiber conscientious diet helps you to load up on other healthy stuff like veggie vitamins and minerals, too!
One of the other benefits of a fibrous diet includes the alleviation of gastrointestinal problems (like that wonderful thing called constipation (speaking of which, a recent statistic informed me that Americans carry an additional 10 to 15 pounds in their intestines because they don't eat enough fiber to scrub out their guts. Crazy beans!)). In addition, a healthy amount of dietary fiber is supposed to make you feel fuller without eating empty calories. Huzzah for eating so much that there is no room to even think about deserts!
I can believe these facts. They are plausible, if not proven to be true (after all, my family doesn't call cracked wheat "crapped wheat" for nothing). But for the love of wheat! I think my stomach is glued together in a fibrous ball of cat's yarn! Rather than scrubbing out the sheep's lung from my belly, I think my wheat is hanging out with my haggis. I'm also pretty sure each gurgle is magnified through tubes of whole wheat penne - my stomach sounds as if I have a brass band warming up before the symphony.
But don't mind me. Give me a week or two to adjust to my fibrousness, and I'll be fine. Until then, I will dream of Magnum bars and haggis and all of the wonderful things that have been sitting in my intestines quite comfortably for the last fifteen weeks of my life.
Oh the joys of losing dietary innocence.
Note: This is a Bath bun. It is as big as my face. It is also not made out of whole wheat which means that it is most likely chilling with my haggis right now, waiting for a real scrub-brush of real whole wheat to flush it out.
Eating wheat is supposed to be a good thing. Evidently, I (along with a majority of other Americans) do not consume enough dietary fiber. Supposedly, adults should consume between 20 to 35 grams daily (at least, that's what the FDA suggests). Have you ever thought about how much fiber that is? Holy hannah banana! As if my mini wheats weren't enough (i.e. 6 grams per serving), a couple of slices of honey whole wheat bread (4 grams each) must be supplemented by whole grain pasta of some sort (approximately 8 grams per serving), not to mention all of the fruit and veggies and green drink that should be eaten, too (which, by the way, green drink isn't actually green - it typically looks more like puce than anything else). Who knew, right? A fiber conscientious diet helps you to load up on other healthy stuff like veggie vitamins and minerals, too!
One of the other benefits of a fibrous diet includes the alleviation of gastrointestinal problems (like that wonderful thing called constipation (speaking of which, a recent statistic informed me that Americans carry an additional 10 to 15 pounds in their intestines because they don't eat enough fiber to scrub out their guts. Crazy beans!)). In addition, a healthy amount of dietary fiber is supposed to make you feel fuller without eating empty calories. Huzzah for eating so much that there is no room to even think about deserts!
I can believe these facts. They are plausible, if not proven to be true (after all, my family doesn't call cracked wheat "crapped wheat" for nothing). But for the love of wheat! I think my stomach is glued together in a fibrous ball of cat's yarn! Rather than scrubbing out the sheep's lung from my belly, I think my wheat is hanging out with my haggis. I'm also pretty sure each gurgle is magnified through tubes of whole wheat penne - my stomach sounds as if I have a brass band warming up before the symphony.
But don't mind me. Give me a week or two to adjust to my fibrousness, and I'll be fine. Until then, I will dream of Magnum bars and haggis and all of the wonderful things that have been sitting in my intestines quite comfortably for the last fifteen weeks of my life.
Oh the joys of losing dietary innocence.
Note: This is a Bath bun. It is as big as my face. It is also not made out of whole wheat which means that it is most likely chilling with my haggis right now, waiting for a real scrub-brush of real whole wheat to flush it out.
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