didn'ts

there were so many things i didn't say,

so many fears i didn't tell,

i didn't speak, i didn't sing,

i didn't...

i didn't do more than sit,

my mind floundering and falling,

spinning in darkness,

weaving a nightmare,

hoping that when i'd close my eyes

i could snap them open

and happiness would rise above me,

emerging from the clouds,

the hurricane in my mind.

so many things i didn't do,

so many things i didn't say.

never will i say them,

never will i be more

than the girl who didn't

(and couldn't) do

so many, many things.