something i realized...
Yes, I should be doing homework, and yes, I am still super behind, and yes, I am excited it is Saturday, and yes, tomorrow is Sunday (the best day of the week!), and yes, life is crazy, and yes, I am happy and smiling and well.
But I realized something yesterday. People are very different. I know that statement shouldn't be an earth-shattering truth, but it was for me last night. I can't criticize anyone for that before first washing my windows, but at the same time, I can't help but feel a mixture of laughter and sadness when I misunderstand others or they misunderstand me. It amuses me when others take me too literally (or when I take myself too literally), but at the same time, I start to worry: What are they really thinking? At that point I could have an anxiety attack or shut myself up in a cave or try to be completely normal. But somehow I don't worry about it. For whatever reason, the rational side of me starts to get giddy and loses all sense of propriety as I laugh off whatever social concerns I should have. And it's fun! And that's the whole reason I occasionally try to be a little strange - because I like to laugh and be my unique and creative self.
Sometimes, however, other people look beyond my goal of self-amusement. Instead of joining in for some good, innocent laughter and fun, they rush into my personality with a very literal view of everything I do. And it's not necessarily always everything - for example, I think sometimes people find something they can relate to in me, but on a greater extreme than I express through my strange ideas and antics. It's not necessarily bad, and maybe I'm being egocentric by saying this, but sometimes I worry about the effects I have on other people. Back in the good ol' high school days, I used to worry if I was making a difference. Now I worry about what kind of difference I am making.
I shouldn't worry. And I most definitely shouldn't fret. And I don't think I even should change myself. But I do need to remember that people are different, and they may see me the way they want to. And because that is something I cannot change, I cannot worry about it.
But I realized something yesterday. People are very different. I know that statement shouldn't be an earth-shattering truth, but it was for me last night. I can't criticize anyone for that before first washing my windows, but at the same time, I can't help but feel a mixture of laughter and sadness when I misunderstand others or they misunderstand me. It amuses me when others take me too literally (or when I take myself too literally), but at the same time, I start to worry: What are they really thinking? At that point I could have an anxiety attack or shut myself up in a cave or try to be completely normal. But somehow I don't worry about it. For whatever reason, the rational side of me starts to get giddy and loses all sense of propriety as I laugh off whatever social concerns I should have. And it's fun! And that's the whole reason I occasionally try to be a little strange - because I like to laugh and be my unique and creative self.
Sometimes, however, other people look beyond my goal of self-amusement. Instead of joining in for some good, innocent laughter and fun, they rush into my personality with a very literal view of everything I do. And it's not necessarily always everything - for example, I think sometimes people find something they can relate to in me, but on a greater extreme than I express through my strange ideas and antics. It's not necessarily bad, and maybe I'm being egocentric by saying this, but sometimes I worry about the effects I have on other people. Back in the good ol' high school days, I used to worry if I was making a difference. Now I worry about what kind of difference I am making.
I shouldn't worry. And I most definitely shouldn't fret. And I don't think I even should change myself. But I do need to remember that people are different, and they may see me the way they want to. And because that is something I cannot change, I cannot worry about it.
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