holes

I suppose I really don't know what I'm writing tonight, aside from the fact that I'm writing. Today has been a good day, it really has, but I have been reminded again and again how hard it is for me when life slows down. Suddenly I find time to do all those things I've always wanted to do, and yet, I have no desire to do them. In some ways, I wish life would speed up again, traveling so fast that I don't have time to think or contemplate or remember or even write stupid, little blog posts like this one.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that deep, down inside, I am struggling with ingratitude. I should be happy with the things I have, and I shouldn't ask for more. But deep, down inside, a part of me is empty. It's a black hole I wish I could fill. But no matter how hard I try to fill in the gaps, it is still there. And when I have time to think, it eats at me, growing larger and larger until I am completely unsatisfied with everything.

Life is easier when it goes by quickly. When you don't have time to think about anything, the holes disappear, and suddenly, everything seems better.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

sam's birth story

Image
A bunch of people have asked me about Sam's birth. So here are more details (and pictures) than anyone ever wanted. Enjoy! (Also, I wrote this a few weeks ago. It's amazing to see how much he has changed over the past seven weeks. Time flies when you are sleep deprived.) Our little burrito made his debut on Friday, November 6 at 4:45 p.m., weighed 7 pounds 2 ounces, and measured 19.5 inches long. And he was (and is) just perfect. But let me back up. I think I mentioned in this post that David and I were prompted to start trying for a baby much, much sooner than we originally planned. So after much prayer and discussion, we went for it. To be honest, I thought it would take months for the double line to appear on the pregnancy test. But it didn't. And when half a dozen pregnancy tests came back positive (which is a funny story in and of itself, but that's for another day), I felt all the feels. Surprised. Excited. Terrified. Elated. Anxious. Let's just say tha...
Read more

dean's list

Image
I seriously feel like I won a Life Tile in the Game of Life. I don't know what it means, but it must be good if Hasbro decided to include it in their game. Which, now I really want to know: what is the dean's list?
Read more

convos with a prego lady

Truth: pregnancy has made me rather cynical. I try to keep it hidden most of the time (and usually David is the one who bears the brunt of my pent-up sass. He is a champion). I'm not sure why cynicism is a current symptom I am experiencing. It may be due to the fact that I recently read a quote that opened my eyes to all of the nonsensical things people say to fill up space. Here it is, for your own personal enjoyment: "Yesterday at church, a lady took me aside with the express purpose to tell me, 'Don't feel bad. When God closes a door, he opens a window.'" Melissa choked on some pita bread. "I kid you not. What the heck does that mean anyway? That I'm supposed to climb out a window now? Or is the window just to air out the house, which is stinking to high heaven, given the fact that the door has been shut indefinitely and NO ONE CAN GET OUT?!"  —Shannon Hale, The Actor and the Housewife (2009).  After laughing out loud, I started to t...
Read more